My life growing up was full of pain and brokenness. I lived in a home where multiple types of abuse were constant, including verbal and emotional abuse. My father committed suicide when I was 10 months old. It was engrained in me to know how bad of a man he was to my mother and oldest sister, it felt like, every day of my life. I was reminded often of how I wasn’t good enough and how I wouldn’t be anything in life. In addition to the abuse, I grew up in an extremely legalistic religion, where you have to prove yourself to be “good enough” daily. The pressure of my life was too much for me to bear. As young as 10 years old, suicide was on my mind constantly. I was always in planning mode, of how I could end my life. The thought of dying didn’t scare me. My fear was trying, and if somehow, I didn’t succeed, the fear of dealing with the repercussions of my mother was far too much to think about.

There were many times, I would find myself in that mindset that this was it, the pain was just too much. But something always stopped me. I heard a gentle voice say, you are created for greatness. I didn’t understand at that time, but now, I know it was God stopping me. I would find myself on a long journey of trying to sort out the life that I experienced. Between the brainwashing of the religion I grew up in and the constant abuse, it would be an understatement to say, I was pretty messed up.

I didn’t realize how much of a toll the years of this brokenness would bring to my life, even years later. But I found myself married to a wonderful man, who came into my life and the life of my two kids, who showed nothing but love and compassion for me and my kids. I would tell him, he would not want to live in my mind, because the agony and daily fight to try to keep my mind positive was an extreme struggle. I was a new believer in Jesus Christ. My thoughts of suicide turned into wanting to go home with Jesus.

One day, when no one was home, and no one was expected to come home any time soon, I drank alcohol and took a full, tall bottle of hydrocodone tablets that I had left over from a medical procedure. I remember taking the pills and asking Jesus to forgive me for cutting my life short. I don’t remember much after that, except to wake up hours later in a hospital.

That was a start of a journey that led me to a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. I should have been dead. The time frame and statistics were against me. Since that time, Jesus broke my desire to commit suicide. I opened up to Him and shared my hurt and my heart. He has broken every stronghold that was keeping me bound to a past that needed to be let go of.

I am alive to tell others my story and to share how Jesus changed my life completely. He broke every chain. He has given me freedom from my past, a peace and joy for the now, and a glorious hope for the future. If I were given the opportunity to choose my life over, I would choose the same life I lived, because it led me to Jesus. There is nothing in this world that is more important to me than the life I have walking with the Lord. My life is not perfect, nor do I expect it to be. But I know that when I go through troublesome times, He is there to walk through it with me. Jesus said, "in this life you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." (John 16: 33) We live in a fallen world, that was wrecked with sin. But our God had a redemption plan. He allowed His Son, to die the death we deserve, so you and I could have eternal life with Him. Sin disconnected us form God. But Jesus took the sin of the world on Himself, so we can be reconciled to the Father. He loves you and has invited you to accept Him as Lord of your heart with all sincerity. I couldn’t imagine living my life without Him.

Thank you,
Kat M

In October 2021 the company I had been working for the past 20 years had announced they were selling to a big corporate company. While it made me nervous, I thought it would be no big deal. As the months went by, we would attend several meetings to go over the plans and the changes that would be made. During this time is when I realized this was not going to be a good change and that the owners that would be taking over would not have the same values that at one time were the reason, we all worked for our current company. 

I started to wonder where God was in all of this, why would he allow this to happen when I had a plan to retire with this company that I loved. (BUT GOD!) Why would he want me to leave this company when I was comfortable, and life was great. (I had a plan!) 

In February 2022, things went from okay to bad, I got even more nervous. I started crying almost weekly, almost daily. I was fixing to lose my family...my work family! Some of us worked together for 5, 10, 15 and 20 years. When I said my work family...we were all so close and I knew I would be at a loss. I was comfortable (BUT GOD!) I prayed and prayed all the time, and it didn't seem like anything was getting any better. By the end of February several employees that had been with us for many years started leaving. By March more and more left. (okay God what am I going to do) Still I prayed over and over for direction. Why is God not opening any doors, why am I still here. By April some of the upper management started leaving. By this time, I would cry almost daily because my loved ones were leaving. I was no longer comfortable. (BUT GOD!) Still, I prayed! 

By the end of April, I got a phone call from another company to come over and work for them and help start up a company in Amarillo with several other fellow employees. I was beyond excited; I would be working with the same people that I loved, and I knew at that time I would be okay. In May of 2022 about 17 of us employees moved to this new company and started working together. Things were great...at least I thought it was. 

During this time, I started to realize God put us together for a reason. While we all started working together, one of our very very dear friends that made the move with us had ALS. During this time his health started to deteriorate faster than we thought. We became a family and worked hard to make sure he was comfortable and okay to come to work daily. At some point in the late summer of 2022 our dear friend was no longer able to make it in to work. We as a family still made sure that he was involved in every aspect of the company. We were all a family and we loved each other dearly. By October of 2022 our dear friend passed away, this was very hard on me because Robert and I became very close to him and his wife. He was also my mentor and taught me so many things in our line of work. I looked up to him with all the knowledge he brought to our company and just the friendship we had. 

By December of 2022 we started to notice that the company we all came to work for was not doing well in the Amarillo area. (BUT GOD!) I started to question what God wanted me to do. Why is this happening again, why would God bring us to this new place just to have it all fall apart. By March of 2022 all the employees in Amarillo got laid off. What am I going to do, I have never been without a paycheck. (Okay, God what are your plans) 

While I was unemployed for the first time I had time to reflect on everything that God brought me through. I started to pray for God to show me what he wanted me to do. During this time, I realized that God did not put us all together to work for this company for long term, but that he put us all together to be with our dear friend so that he would be surround by his loved ones during his time of passing. Even though I would no longer be with several of my fellow employees and that I would miss them dearly, I knew God had us together only for that time. 

By June I started working for another big corporate company to realize this was not where I needed to be. After interview and interview with other companies I found the God wanted me to be still and trust him. I prayed that whatever direction he wanted me to go that I would learn to not be in control and that I would allow him to work in my favor. 

God closed many doors I thought I was supposed to walk through and showed me a totally different direction and changed my career path. I never thought I would be where I am today, but I God showed me that if I am still, he remains faithful and constant. God is good all the time even in the hard times. 

Psalm 27:14-Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
1 Samuel 12:16-Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes! 

I came to Amarillo 2 years ago. After 2 months of “church shopping” God clearly pointed me to the Loft through my Mom. She sent me a link to their website and I decided to go check it out.

From the moment I walked in, I felt the love of Christ all around me through the people that greeted me and got to know me. It has been a crazy 2 years after moving 1000 miles away from home and family back in the Midwest. There have been so many ups and downs but one of the constants has been the people at the LOFT that God has used to keep me focused on Him. I have had some moments where I felt on top of the world, and I have had moments where I was ready to throw everything away and go back to home where I was comfortable. God has shown me how to live in a world that is most of the time, uncomfortable.

Like most things, when I joined the LOFT, I got involved quickly and took on more than I was ready for. I was a leader at JPULSE student ministry, helped run lights on Sundays, watched students at Joy Squad on Mondays, ran certain elements of our young adult ministry and was always there anytime we had an event going on, all while on top of having other commitments outside of the church. I was loving it, but I was tired. I was so tired that I couldn’t get out of bed some mornings, and the mornings I did, I didn’t want to. I had stretched myself so thin and I couldn’t understand how or why. I am a single, young guy, far away from family. All I have on my hands is time and energy, so it didn’t make sense that I couldn’t handle it. I had to take a big step back. And I didn’t realize it until a little later, but I had forgot the most important part, trusting in God and relying on His strength.

I was leaning so heavy on my own strength and energy and depending only on myself that I just ran out of motivation, energy, the ability to do normal, everyday tasks. I thought that doing all these things in a church and for God was good enough so I neglected having a relationship with Him. Through it all the community God has given me at the LOFT was more than loving, graceful, patient, caring and kind. They treated me like the family that they are to me, a family in Christ.

I still have struggles, bad days but God has shown me it’s in His strength that I make it through and He has surrounded me with so many great believers to walk in that with. I have been able to get back into serving and leading different ministries in the church but not on my own this time. I am so thankful for the LOFT and its faithful members. God is definitely moving here.

My testimony is something I used to never talk about. I used to feel unworthy and judged because of it and I felt like a failure. But I have learned that God puts us through things for a reason and my journey has not been easy but so worth it!

My testimony started July 25th, 2018. Infertility is the hardest thing I have ever been through. It’s mentally draining, depressing, and physically hard on my body and mind. It hasn’t been easy and at times I would question God wondering “why me?” “Why can’t I have a child but others can?” Without God I would have never been able to get through any of it. He never left my side and he truly showed me what love and patience was, when my husband and I wanted to expand our family and have kids we would have never imagined that we would have had to go through IVF just to have a child, but all along that was Gods plan and he never left our side.

Years went by and still no child after all the meds IUI treatments and test after tests all we got was unexplainable infertility. There is 1 out of 8 women who struggle with infertility. I kept weeping and crying out to God begging him to just give me a child I always wanted but what I didn’t know at the time he was preparing a child for me the whole time! Sometimes when we pray we feel like God doesn’t listen but that is never the case he listens but he answers the prayers in his time and that is something I had to learn in many aspects of my life! I know things have never come easy for me but I never gave up! At the time of struggling with infertility I was also working in labor and delivery which was so hard to see all these women come in and deliver beautiful babies and I was struggling with even getting pregnant, so you could imagine how I felt defeated and questioning God at this point. I prayed a lot I mean ALOT!! It seemed to help some but some days I think I was so angry that it didn’t help, I was struggling with an internal battle that only God could help me with.

My amazing husband was my rock through it all and so supportive he would always say “one bite at a time, you got this” everyday was a step in the right direction of us having a child, I knew the entire time that God would bless us it was just in his time and for me that was so hard to wait. My go to song during all of this was “meet me here” by Elevation Worship it truly explains everything I will go through that God is there and I can do this. God doesn’t bring you to a storm you can’t handle or go through. I have learned that I truly need him through everything and my faith has become so much stronger during this process.

Through all the shots which I had to do over 100 shots, through all the blood draws, ultrasounds and traveling I found peace in knowing this is Gods way of giving me a child. We finally made it to the best part of this infertility journey on May 28th 2021, we found out I was pregnant!! God is so good! We left Amarillo at 4:30am to drive to Oklahoma to get to my apt by 8:00am for just a simple blood draw to check my HCG level to see if the egg transfer that was a couple weeks before this had worked! I had to wait 4 hours after my blood draw to know results! Man that was the longest 4 hours of my life!! I finally got the call and I was nervous I could have thrown up, we got the news we had been waiting for years to hear!

Fast forward to today we have a beautiful baby boy who is 2 years old and the joy of our life! Without going through the process I had to endure we wouldn’t have him today, even though I was angry and confused I now know it was Gods plan for me all along and for that I am so thankful for! I have 4 healthy eggs frozen at this time and I know one day I will have another perfect baby that God has planned for us, rather that means getting pregnant on my own or having to do another egg transfer, but for now I will enjoy every moment with my son and I absolutely love being a momma! T

his is my testimony and I am so proud of all the things I had to do to become a momma. I know there are plenty of women that feel this same pain and my heart goes out to them. I am so blessed by God and I know my journey is beautiful.

Three years ago, Ray and I started going to the Loft Church. I had faithfully attended a mega church here in town for 10 plus years. The reason I changed churches was because I always said “if I died tomorrow I want my pastor to know my name, who I was”.

Ray and I stepped into the Loft Church on January 5, 2020, and we never looked back. We knew we were home. Saying we love our church family is an understatement to say the least. I can’t say I know every single persons name that crosses that threshold but I can say I love every heart and soul that makes up my church family.

Ray and I have been apart of many milestones even celebrating a few including packing up Pastor Matt and Elisa and taking them along for our destination wedding.

Until recently, I never knew how much I truly loved and needed my church family. On Friday morning September 1st the phone call came that no daughter ever wants to receive. I always knew the day would come I just always prayed it never did. My father had been placed in hospice with an aggressive form of lung cancer. We were in San Antonio visiting our first grand daughter. We threw everything in the car and dead headed back to Amarillo. The thing I have failed to share is my dad and I have not had a great relationship over the last ten years. He hadn’t spoken to me in all this time. All the hurt, the anger, or the reasons why no longer mattered. I needed to see my daddy before he passed. I needed to say what was on my heart. I needed to say I was sorry. I needed him to know I forgave him but most of all that I loved him. I’m so very thankful that God blessed me with these few moments. Moments where my dad knew I was there and could hear what needed to be said between us.

The thing was I wasn’t in fear of my dad passing away. He was very ill and in a lot of pain. My biggest fear was I didn’t know if my dad was saved. I didn’t know if my dad knew the Lord. This fear scared me to my core as we prepared for his end of life.

If you don’t know how valuable our Pastors are. Let me share. From the moment I shared my dad was in hospice and very ill. The pastors were right by our sides. They knew my relationship with my father was very distant and they knew this wasn’t going to be an easy storm to walk for me. I remember Pastor Michael asking me what my biggest fear was Saturday morning. We had long conversation of what this looks like when one is approaching the end of life. That night Michael asked to pray for us. In his prayer he prayed about my fear and about having such relationship with our Savior when one passes. As we were starting to leave for the night my dad’s significant other hugged me tight and told me she loved me, always had then she shared something that could only come as an answered prayer. That her and my dad knew the Lord. She said “we didn’t go to church much but we definitely knew the Lord”. This night is the last time I told my father I loved him. He passed at 7:05am Sunday morning September 3, 2023.

The Least OF These is what we stand for, the challenge. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus. To share God’s love with everyone and in everything we do. This church family does just that. I am one of the ones that is always taking care of others so being on the other side of the receiving line is such a hard place to find myself.

From the texts, phone calls, and surprise porch visits that I never knew I needed. This is why we are a family. This is why we want to hug your neck every Sunday morning. This is why we want to know you and your family. This is why we want to celebrate the highs of life and we want to be there when life throws those ugly curve balls. This church loves BIG there is no doubt. When they ask for you to get involved this is why….we want and need to do life together.

I will never be able to express the love I have for my church family. Many were there for us when I didn’t even know we needed the help. So whether it is holding a door open for someone on Sunday morning, serving in the children’s area or singing on the worship team….YOU matter. They say raising a family takes a village but doing God’s work does as well. I am so happy to call each of you family and cannot wait to serve along side each of you and do life together.  

If there is anything that came from this storm I am walking is that I can share and encourage others in my church family to get involved. Do life with us. Love one another then it all will be worth it.

Trusting God.
 
Anyone who knows me, knows, I am a worker. I was raised to be a hard worker. To show up and work each day and to be on time. For every job I have held I have always found myself moving to the top in a management role. For over twenty years I have had 2 jobs that I held the same fields. I was either a Production Manager or a Maintenance Manager. These were jobs that most people would like to have. Good money and good benefits and paid time off.
Over the last five years, and especially during Covid I was drained. I worked ALL the time. If you have been there or are there, YOU KNOW! Well, right before Covid I got this idea to take classes in Real Estate and become a Real Estate Agent. As I started the classes, here comes Covid and more hours at work with less employees and working weekends left me drained and not getting my classes done.
Last Fall, I went for a walk and talked to God. This was one of those talks where I was truly seeking him, not just an answer but seeking his presence. I told him what I wanted the most was to find a way out of that job. I walked and talked with God and I heard him say, “TRUST ME”! For the first time, I had peace and a calm that I can’t really explain. I came home from that walk and told my wife. God told me to TRUST HIM and I’m going to do just that.
On November 25th of last year, I walked away from everything I knew for over twenty years and started something new. One of my friends was starting his own business in Parking Lot Maintenance. I can’t tell you I ever saw this for myself but something had to change! While working this new job God showed us something. He showed us that the real plan was not for me to go work with my friend but to TRUST HIM in everything, to take a break, to not work for a short while and finish what I started in Real Estate. Trusting him had gotten me this far so I walked away from that job as well. The first blessing that happened was God showed up in our finances. The TRUST in this was, how are we going to pay for our bills. I didn’t have the answer to that question but knew I was doing what God told me to do.
In January my wife got a bonus at work that neither of us knew was coming. It was the right amount to split up and put on top of her income each month to get everything paid and buy the time for me to study. After three months I had completed my classes and was as prepared as I could possibly be to sit for my exams. This made me really nervous. I have test anxiety anyway and there is a lot riding on this. Everyone knew I wasn’t working. I was at home studying every day. What if I fail???What will people think?
Well, I knew the sound of that voice and where it was coming from. All I had to do was look back on GOD’s provision over the last few months to get that feeling of peace all over aging. There was no failure in the story. I wasn’t ABOUT me, I wasn’t leading, it I was about FOLLOWING and TRUSTING God. I went and took my exams and passed both of them on the first try. I will look back on this for the rest of my life. When we put our trust in God we have to give him ALL of our trust. When we trust BIG he shows up BIG.

Greg Pickens

Let me tell you about the redemption love of Jesus in my life.
16 years ago I found myself addicted to drugs. I would ask the Lord every day; to please deliver me from this addiction. I was totally lost. Hurting and devastated over losing my grandmother. You see I was raised in church all my life. All I knew was Jesus; I just didn't know him as my Savior yet. I was a hot mess, everything I had ever disliked I turned into! I was sitting there broken wondering how I was gonna get out of this mess...Then God...You see my mom has always rescued me out of every bad choice I have ever had ever made. From rescuing me whenever I broke the law down to ending up in jail.

But there was no rescue this time I was looking at 22 to life. The bond was SO high that she couldn't get me out. But thanks to Jesus, that day, in that cell is where I found myself.
 
I remember the day I cried out to him and asked him to please save me. The first chapter that I read in that cell was Psalm 51. And it was like my eyes were open to his love and to his word. The more I read, the more I started trusting him. Everybody would tell me there's no hope you're gonna go down and you're gonna go for a long time but I knew I didn't need jail. I needed Jesus! I would seek him every day and I would pray and read his word and I would sing praises to him so loud I would make everyone mad but I but I did not care. I got to the point where it didn't matter what happened to me as long as he was with me. I would sit there for 6 months. Trusting, loving, and learning about him and his love for me.
 
You see he never called me a junkie or a thief or a liar, he called me his child. He said I was forgiven, he said he loves me; he told me my debt was paid. And that it didn't matter what others thought or said about me. It only mattered what he says. He says you are chosen, you are redeemed, and his grace and mercy is enough! The more he spoke that over me the more I believed it. I remember that day he whispered that I was going to a Christian rehab. I stood on those words, once again everyone though I was crazy. There is not Christian rehab in Amarillo, but there was one in San Antonio. I will never forget that day when the girl came and gave me that address to that Christian rehab in San Antonio, Texas. She was only there for one night! For one night! Only God could do that! I wrote them and they accepted. I gave it to my lawyer and she took it to the Judge. This is where God's miracle took place. I got five years’ probation, during that first year of that probation I got to go to the Christian rehab of my choice. Don't you ever say God can't do it! Cause my life has been nothing but the beautiful story of what he can do. He is a good and Faithful Father. He restored the joy in me and he can do the same for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight.

GOD is always faithful, no matter how faithful we are.  HE is always there ready to direct and encourage us.  Lately, GOD has been showing me (through HIS WORD), that all we have (I mean everything) is a gift from HIM.  If we really look into HIS word, we realize HE gives us the gift of grace (Eph 2:8), the gift of salvation (Eph 2:8), the gift of faith (Eph 2:8), the gift of wisdom (James 1:5), the gift of eternal life (Rom 6:23), the gift of the air we breathe and the food we eat.  James 1:16-18 recently touched my heart and HE allowed me to realize just how good GOD is.  The scripture says "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the FATHER of the Heavenly Lights, WHO does not change like shifting shadows."  All that we are and have become is because GOD is so good, not anyone of us on our own. Donna & I believe GOD brought us to the LOFT to be a part of the work HE is doing here.  Recently, being asked to serve as an overseer I saw GOD work in a mighty way.  You see, I have been around church long enough to know, that if you actively follow GOD's leading by serving in a church, you will be asked to move from a place of comfort to (usually) an uncomfortable place of service.  GOD called me a long time ago to minister to men specifically.  Not that he hasn't allowed me to minister to women but mainly to men of all ages.  Helping men learn to open the WORD and meet JESUS.  Also helping men become the ones GOD called us to be as leaders of our families.  Many years ago I served at another church in a leadership position.  My family was protected by GOD as we served but that didn't mean there weren't scars, that are still present today.  I began to pray over 4 years ago, asking GOD, to give me a specific sign, if HE wanted me to lead again inside of a church.  My prayer was simple, GOD if YOU and YOU alone want me to serve, you need to have Donna (my wife) tell me, "I think you should do it", (referring to serving again in a leadership role).  A  leadership role in a church affects that person's family and they too have scars.  My thought was if Donna believes that I should step back into a role like that it would truly be GOD changing both of our hearts.  For the past 5 years, I have loved serving men of the LOFT and other churches under the radar.  I have mentioned to Matt, Rick, Richard, and others, I love serving behind the scenes and have no desire to serve in a leadership capacity again.  Fast forward to 2023.  Matt came to me and asked if I would consider the overseer's role.  I first thought was no way and he knew that.  Everyone began to pray about this.  I told Matt the only way this will happen is if GOD makes it perfectly clear to me it was HIS desire and no one else's.  Not my desire, not Matt's desire, not anyone else's desire.  I never told anyone what I had been praying for GOD to have Donna say, especially not her.  You can ask Matt, I told him that I had asked GOD for a sign, a simple sign, similar to Abraham as he was having his servant look for a wife for Issac (Gen 24).  I was not asking for a star to fall from the sky, or an angel to appear, simply have Donna tell me she thinks I should serve in this way.  Donna & I met with Matt as he rolled out the overseer role.  As I left that meeting I told Matt, "You realize no is a very viable answer as far as I was concerned".  Donna had things to do that day, just as I did.  Later that afternoon Donna and I had a chance to talk about our meeting with Matt.  I asked Donna, "So what do you think about what Matt asked me to do?"  Her response was, "You don't want to know what I think."  She was wrong.  I had to know what she thought.  Remember, she had no clue what I had been praying for the last 4 years.  By now you know what she said, "I think you should do it".  Tears immediately began to run down my cheeks.  GOD had done what I asked him to do, exactly what I asked.  I have to be honest, I have loved serving in a low-profile position where many didn't know who I was.  I want to serve in any capacity that GOD wants me to serve, even if it's not where I prefer.  HE will lead and guide me to love on HIS people.  We have all heard it said.  HE doesn't call the equipped, HE equips the called.  I would ask for much grace, prayer, and love for the overseers, for you see, we are simple, ordinary men, humbly attempting to point people to JESUS.  As I began this brief testimony of what GOD is doing in my life, I will end the same way.  GOD is faithful, Always!!!

The Lord has been reminding me of the words He put on my heart at the beginning of this year, surrender and obedience. Surrendering control is what the Lord is sweetly reminding me of in this season. “How will these tasks get done without me?”, “But what if this new opportunity doesn’t work out?”, “Is God really calling me to this?” are a few questions I’ve asked myself lately. Fear is what was driving these questions and thoughts. Fear of failure, fear of not being able to provide for my family financially, fear of missing what could be, and the big one of fear of letting people down. The shift in perspective from “me” to “What will honor God?” was when true surrender started taking place. God is worthy and that’s enough. I’m reminded that I am not what is holding everything  together. The Lord doesn’t need me to be a part of His plan, but He chooses me.  If it is God’s plan nothing can stop it. I can be a part of His plan if I act in obedience and truly surrender. My favorite scripture is Isaiah 41:10 “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
I was at a job for ten years and had no intention of leaving this job. The people there are great! I did something that I loved. But I felt the Lord moving me to something that would allow me to have more opportunity to serve others. What I mean by that is the desire to serve others fell heavier as each day would pass. My husband and I prayed for months for peace in whatever  this movement was. I wasn’t sure what that “something” was until I received a phone call with a job offer to be a part of a team that has the motto, “serving those who served us first.” Working with veterans who need assistance was something I had zero experience with. I called a couple of friends who I consider wise counsel to ask if they have heard of this company but no one had. A friend responded with, “ You know with moments like this it’s usually God opening a door” But with lots of prayer and a sense of peace that surpasses all understanding,this is truly what I felt The Lord was calling me to. So I took a leap of faith and accepted this opportunity.
I never want the focus to be on me but my prayer is that through sharing how God is moving in my life that you can see that God is faithful and making difficult decisions to honor God is so worth it in the end.

What is God doing in my life?
For a while now God has been talking to me and showing me through different situations how to fully trust him and worship him through all circumstances. That message was fully driven home recently.
When the tornados hit Perryton, Tx recently I was devastated. This was my hometown where I was born and raised. I had only just moved from there to Amarillo 2 years ago. My son, other family members,  and dear friends still reside there. We loaded up our truck and headed to Perryton the very next morning to help our family. No one was hurt, and my son’s house made it through. That wasn’t the case for my uncle and cousin. My cousin lost his home and my uncle sustained extensive damage to his home and property, which will probably end up a total loss.
I won’t lie to you. I was angry. The heaviness of that day was almost too much to bear. I kept finding myself having internal conversations with God. I kept asking him “God where are you in all of this?”. All I could see was sadness and grief as we sifted through the rubble of my elderly uncle’s belongings just trying to fit back “some” pieces of the life he had built on that property for 40 plus years. The lost look on my cousin’s face as he stated, “I don’t even know where to start”, as he looked at the destruction that was once his home, completely shattered me.
My heart was hurt and so full of anger for my family, and I continued to ask God “Where are you? Where were you? How are you in any of this?”.
Later a man came driving down the street and stopped to talk to us. He is a member of a church down the road that my mom used to be the worship leader at. The church was not spared either. We talked for a bit and as we said goodbye, he looked at us ( it actually felt like he was looking and speaking right into my heart) and said “We are going to see his face in this. We just have to look for him.”
In that instance I saw the faces of the men that were pulling a flatbed trailer and handing out cases of water and toilet paper up and down the road. I saw the faces of the ladies that walked by earlier carrying boxes of food and stopping at every house to make sure no one was hungry. I saw the face of my son’s friend who was driving up and down the street making sure momma’s had diapers for their babies. I saw the living, breathing faces of my son and family.
God simply told me “There I am.”
I was so focused on the circumstance that I couldn’t see him right in front of me! He reminded me that whatever we focus on is what we are going to find over and over. He relentlessly pursues us and we should be relentlessly seeking him. If we aren’t looking for him, we aren’t going to find him.
That was the first moment since I had learned of the tornado that I actually felt peace and a glimmer of hope. It was almost a feeling of contentment.  It was a little confusing to be able to feel those things while surrounded by such destruction and devastation. I am not saying that everything just got suddenly easy, but I can tell you that I was able to bear it when I kept my focus on the work God was doing instead of the wreckage. I kept my focus on his goodness in the form of neighbors helping neighbors. His goodness came in the form of organizations and companies setting up to feed everyone. His goodness was shown in the many states and communities that sent their first responders, utility crews, and contractors. His goodness was pouring in through donations from all over the country. If we change our focus, we see it.

You see God never said that life would be easy once we walk with him, but he promised that he would be with us and supply our needs. That is exactly what he was doing and has continued to do for me, my family, and for Perryton.
He is far more concerned with the change in us than in our circumstances. I heard a great analogy not too long ago. Worship is like putting on a coat in a snowstorm. It doesn’t change the weather, but it changes us.  It protects us. When we continue to worship amongst our circumstances they begin to change because our outlook changes, we make different choices, and we see his goodness beyond what the world has given us.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” – Jeremiah 29:13
Stephanie Jenkins